


fly away

by VioletThePorama



Category: Paul shapera - Fandom, Shaperaverse, Uncle Ravens' Storytime Theatre: Never Never Land - Shapera
Genre: Character Study, David "Uncle Raven" Adams needs some help, During Canon, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Han-Mi deserves so much, I hear there's a discord, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lloyd Allen isn't that bad I promise, M/M, Might look into that soon, No more than is in the actual songs, Takes place during Uncle Ravens' Storytime Theatre: Never Never Land, That's a long tag I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29890347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletThePorama/pseuds/VioletThePorama
Summary: Raven was nothing more than a bird with his flight feathers clipped. He was meant to sing until he died, succumbing to the C.U. He knew this, but he didn't have to like it.aka, Raven and Lloyd cry a lot
Relationships: Lloyd Allen & Raven | David Adams, Lloyd Allen/Raven | David Adams





	fly away

“Ravey? Ravey, it’s me.”

The world seemed to spin as Raven stared down the robot that had spoken with his beau’s voice. It was a truly ugly thing, cobbled together with rust and ill-fitting screws. He recognized what it was of course; an Albion doll. But it was hardly one of the ones that stood to quality. No, this was one of the later models. Once they had caught on in popularity, the people brought people back willy-nilly, not even bothering to check that they had grabbed the right soul. Elysium was crowded, souls scattered everywhere. It could be an exact science if anybody had cared to put in the time.

Most who flowered ended up insane. Raven wasn’t sure that he hadn’t lost it himself. In fact, he was rather certain that he  _ had _ gone mad at some point while attending to the Carnival. The feeling of falling had never fully left him. It was true that he had flown, but there was still the gut-wrenching feeling of having nothing underneath oneself. Often, the ground felt unsteady beneath Raven’s feet, as if the Carnival-grounds were in a constant free-fall. Down and down and further into the abyss, dropped like a pebble into the Collective Unconsciousness, never to rise or be seen from again. 

Sleep was an oddity in such a realm. He had achieved it sometimes, but he could hardly remember the details. Everything was fuzzy around the edges. His old life, when or what he had last eaten, how many Floozies pranced around at any given time. The only thing that stood out, clear as day, was his ex. The man who had apparently left Raven’s side to die and return with his soul ensconced in a little doll.

“Lloyd?” Raven stumbled as he moved closer, whether it was from drink or because he simply couldn’t keep himself tethered to the ground was anyone's guess. 

Sometimes when he woke up, it was with a start. He didn’t know if it was dreams or memories that made him jerk, feeling a wind that didn’t exist when he was in the Collective Unconsciousness. “Lloyd…”

When the Carnival bit got too boring, he thought of the past. Raven remembered being high up, an open expanse below him. He stared into the sky and thought about taking off, though he was nothing more than a grounded bird. His powers worked but his wings were clipped, leaving him locked away inside of a cage of dreams and stories. Sing, Canary.  _ Sing _ . 

The machine whirred, creaked, tilted unsteadily. The later models were so much less distinguished before they had all but been destroyed.

Raven had been singing about the man for longer than he could remember, angry, hurt, frustrated. He could never bring himself to truly hate Lloyd, but he had been left alone for so long that he didn’t know how to be anybody other than Raven. How much of what Lloyd desired was still inside of him? He knew as well as anyone else that  _ all you love does not love you _ . Instead, they either left you or died. Both, apparently. 

David Adams was something from long ago. The memories and details were twisted out of focus and distorted, but he knew the sequence of events. It was like a story, something happening to someone else. He had had a job. He had been depressed. He had jumped. And then there was Lloyd, bright and clear and overshadowing everything else.

A sob bubbled its way out of his mouth, fell to the ground below them, ugly as sin. Ugly as his boy, rusted and old in front of him. 

“It’s okay Ravey,” The doll told him. It sounded earnest. Sounded like Lloyd broadcasting his tale throughout space, throughout time, throughout the emptiness of the universe. “I’m sorry. I tried so hard.”

Lloyd had tried. Looking at him now, squirreled away inside of an inhuman body that didn’t quite fit, Raven believed him. There was no doubt in what was left of his mind that his sweet, wonderful,  _ traitorous _ Lloyd had tried to get back to him from wherever he had gone. 

But he had made the choice to leave.

The robot was clad in heavy material, obscuring the featureless body of the machine so heavily that Raven had not realized what it was upon his first glance. Just some horribly misshapen  _ thing _ . Something inhuman.

Another choked noise left him. Then more. Raven cried as he found his Lloyd again, wept as he mourned whatever had killed him, mourned his boyfriend’s death, and celebrated his subsequent rebirth. All that was left afterwards was disgust for the distinctly un-Lloyd-like appearance that the doll carried.

“I’m so sorry,” Lloyd croaked. “I’m sorry…”

Raven draped himself over the machine. It creaked beneath him on ungraceful joints that desperately needed oil. Smoke clung to the other man’s bundle of clothes, the cloying and ever-present smell of cigarettes apparent once Raven was pressed up against him. 

For an instance, he wanted to strangle Lloyd. Show him what for. Raven had done nothing to deserve being left behind at the mercy of loneliness! But one couldn’t very well strangle a doll. 

A dolly, a dolly.  _ I have a dolly _ , he mouthed to himself, singsongingly. A pretty little dolly, who came back for him. Too little, too late. 

The Floozies had asked once about his ex. They were wonderful girls of course. They accompanied him when he sang, when he tripped over nothing, when he stepped off something high up because he forgot that his wings didn’t work, cleaned him up when he  _ squeezed his hand tightly over dull blades and stared out at dilapidated rides and tents that never needed upkeep because there was never anyone visiting them and _

They hadn’t asked again.

Ravens’ hands shook as he entangled them in Lloyd’s coat. He sang of Lloyd often, could never stop himself, really. Lingering on a past he could hardly recall. He tilted with the robot, but it only made the ground seem more uneven. His stomach lurched and he squeezed his eyes shut, wide frantic sobs spilling out of him even as he grinned. 

He would have paced around to work off the sudden burst of energy, but he would have had to let go of Lloyd for that. His wonderful,  _ deserting _ , handsome man. 

Nobody in the Collective Unconsciousness was real except for him. He had never pinned down the origin of the Floozies, had never felt the need. Even his existence was dubious. Raven’s time was spent sending out transmissions and fixing up the Carnival and putting on shows for listeners who surely no longer existed. 

The occasional group wandered through. The most recent being the wonderful Miss Helen and her West Cabaret. They had shown great promise, the lot of them, really. They were all aware of something more, but there had been one who had already gone through the process of flowering. The others could have been coaxed, but she was already done with the process.

The girl. It hadn’t even been Miss Helen at all, not the anticipated protagonist. No, it had been the hateful girl clad in shadows, a cheat. A secondary character. An antagonist, who stood off to the side, watching the two men with crossed arms.

“Wait,” Raven dragged himself off Lloyd, straightening up on legs that didn’t want to cooperate. “Wait. What’s  _ she _ doing here?”

Lloyd shuffled as much as a doll could shuffle, mimicking the movement of a much more human individual. The girl scowled, obviously reacting to the venom in his words. 

Then she smiled, and Raven knew that he was not going to like the answer. 

“Oh,” the girl said sweetly, and the ground fell out beneath him with her next words. “You’re gonna  _ love _ this one,  **gramps** .”

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this and went 'the whole 2 other people who listen to this stuff will love this.' Basically, I just couldn't stop thinking about Raven and Lloyd's reunion. Tbh I still need to listen to the next album, I've just gone back to listen to Shapera's early works. 
> 
> Not totally sure I tagged the fandom for this right but no other ones were popping up. So. 
> 
> Anyway, have fun. Thanks for reading.


End file.
